'Can You Be Around Someone With COVID-19 and Not Get It?'

Apologies for any formatting issues because I’m on mobile.
My mom (55F) hasn’t always been like this. Recently, over the last 6-8 months I’ve noticed a huge change in her and her behaviour.
I’d like to preface by saying that my mom and dad (59M) are still together, however they are both pretty unhappy in their marriage, they sleep in separate rooms, barely speak to each other, and spend no time together. My mom calls my dad “the sperm donor.” When they do talk, normally my dad gets frustrated with how impossible it is to speak with my mom. My dad and I by no means have a perfect relationship, but we have common ground and we both want the same thing (a peaceful and quiet house).
My mom is very lazy, so much so that using the words “very lazy” doesn’t do it Justice. My mom is on disability so she stays at home but she does receive an “income.” However, my dad is the breadwinner between my parents- money has been tight since my dad got laid off in 2008. I’ve been paying all of my own bills since I was 14 years old and got my first job and at times was the one who needed to provide for my family.
As I said, my mom is deeply unhappy with her marriage. I will say that neither one of my parents are perfect, they both have their individual issues and generational trauma. They’re also both incredibly unwilling to ever have conversations with each other in an attempt to work through their issues with each other. Because of this, there is constant tensions between them. However, as I mentioned my dads calmer demeanour, usually this tension is very one sided from my mom.
Over covid, my mom has grown increasingly unhappy of her situation and has basically started taking it out on everyone. Her behaviours used to get worse little by little but now it’s like they evolve faster. I’ve stuck by her side this entire time as I do see the mistreatment she receives from my dad and I see the situation in full. I don’t think it’s crazy of her or “wrong” of her to want to leave her marriage. I think both of my parents would be happier without one another. However, due to the tightness of money, they are essentially financially dependent on one another. This usually causes a lot of issues between my brotheme and my dad/mom. My brother and I are 100% financially, my parents don’t pay for anything for us. We chip in for groceries and do a lot of cleaning and house tasks to help out. We’re both working on paying off student loans and saving up to start lives of our own since living expenses where I live are pretty pricey. My boyfriend is American and I will be starting the process of relocating internationally when it’s safe to do so.
Over the summer time, I was helping my mom with finding a therapist to talk to. I started therapy last year and I’ve found it incredibly helpful and beneficial for me. I urged her to see someone so she can speak to someone without fearing judgement. She started to see a social worker. Every now and then, we would discuss “well if you leave dad then what?” conversations basically seeing what her options would be- how could she afford it, if she can retrain and secure a job after not working for so long, updating her resume, etc. (I work in a project management role with a background in HR and operations so I have a lot of experience with hiring, returning to the work force, etc.)
Increasingly over time, my mom has become very mean and jaded. She’s constantly putting people down and accusing others of having personality traits and characteristics that are unfavourable. For example, she constantly accuses me of being “argumentative” when I confront her about her acting out of pocket. The other day we were having dinner and my brother and dad were casually chatting about the stock market. My dad had accidentally over invested in a stock by $100 and transferred $100 out of their joint account to cover it. (I should mention, my dad is very informed on the stock market and year over year makes incredible returns on his initial investment. He’s a numbers guy.) From the kitchen, she then says “oh, so that’s why you needed to transfer money out of our account?” After he had previously explained the situation to her. My brother excused himself from the dinner table as he has made it very clear he doesn’t like to be a part of their arguments, it’s uncomfortable snd we’ve been exposed to it since we were young children (11/12). She took a temper tantrum and went upstairs.
The following morning I gently said “you understand why he got upset right?” (She’s very sensitive, such a martyr lol) she says “no, I just can’t say anything right? I might as well just shut up” I said “mom, those conversations are not conversations you need to be having with anyone except dad. There was no need for you to bring that up at the dinner table.” (My dad and brothers relationship is very strained as well, the stock market is a common interest they have.) She then goes on to play the “woe is me” card. I said, “you guys need to have a conversation. Stop acting like tension and marital issues aren’t there and have an adult conversation with dad” she basically stormed out of the kitchen and I said “you are being a child. This is not how things should be handled. Things will not get better this way.”
From there, she pretty much withdrew entirely. Stopping cooking (the deal my dad and mom have is that because she is home all day, her ONLY responsibilities are dinner and the dishes), stopped cleaning, stopped talking to everyone and stayed in her room the entire time. We have dogs, who like to stay with her, she would open the door of her room, let them out, they’d go into our living room poop and pee all over the place, and then they’d go back upstairs. She wouldn’t even let the dogs out to relieve themselves. The same dogs we have because she wanted them.
So my brother and I began picking up her slack because someone has to. Cooking meals for the whole family, doing dishes, cleaning the house, doing groceries, etc. I was off for the last month with the pandemic but I have since returned to work. My brother’s car recently died for its final time, so I also drive him to and from work. Because of this, I leave around 6AM and get home around 6PM. By the time I’m settled in for the night, it’s around 8PM and almost time for bed. So naturally neither my brother or I have time to do anything since we’re out of the house more than we are at home.
This morning, I heard my mom bitching to my dad as per usual. She goes on to say “and nothing changed when I came back online and started cooking and cleaning the kitchen” my dad said “the kids have been doing that.” And she said “not lately” (not lately as in since Monday, because again, I just returned to work this week). And that was my breaking point. I haven’t stopped crying since.
At this point I’m done with it. I’ve bent over backwards for her, trying to support her and trying to keep the peace between everyone. I’ve been there for her the entire time but I just can’t do it anymore. She will never see anyone’s efforts as valid. Nothing will ever be enough for her.

When the Paranormal becomes normal.

 I am going to tell you right off the bat that I am going to say some pretty crazy things. Half of America probably believes in the paranormal but still might feel skeptical about stories they are told.. While I did believe in the supernatural/paranormal, I never had an experience that I thought was even possibly paranormal....until recently. I never imagined I would ever experience anything like this. It’s not easy for me to share this. While this kind of thing is very rare, it is as real as you are reading this right now. I have some footage that is unlike anything else I have seen, you will see the link for them in my story. I will show that they are straight off a Nest-cam feed, so that at least rules out CGI. I didn’t wanna share my story unless I could get some type of evidence. The things that you will see are obviously not normal. I feel like with footage of this, you can’t question my sanity. You can still question my integrity if you decide. I have to share this because it’s one of those things if I don’t do, I will always be thinking about it. In June of 2017 I moved in with a grandparent who couldn’t really live alone but didn’t want to go in a nursing home. This gave me the opportunity to get back on my feet and start my life over after living the wrong way for so many years. This was a home that I spent some of my childhood living in so it had a familiar comfortable feeling. The very room I settled into was a room that I would later feel real happiness and eventually complete terror. It’s amazing how much life can swing up and down, even in just one day. Over the next few years of my new life I had ups and downs like anyone else. 2020 was a crazy year for everyone, when COVID-19 broke out and businesses were shutting down, I would wake up in the morning and think “Is this really real?”....but I definitely didn’t see this one coming. I can’t say exactly when but sometime in late 2019 or early 2020 I had some strange occurrences happen. As strange as they were, they never brought fear. The main one is I would be laying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, I was looking at my phone and my bed was lightly pushed, like it was given one very very light kick. I definitely felt it and couldn’t figure out where it came from, my best guess was it must have been from the oil burner kicking on. The oil burner is on the floor below me and about 18ft away, this did not make sense but it was the only answer I could come up with. The amount of force used was enough for me to notice but not too much to get seriously startled. I actually mentioned it to a few people after it happened a few times i said something along the lines of “I think I may have a ghost in my house”. I said this nonchalantly, I was more joking than I was serious. It happened maybe 5 or 6 times over the course of roughly a year. I was never frightened or lost sleep over this, but I did always remember it. Another weird thing was there were quite a few nights I would look at the blanket on my bed at night and the wrinkles on the blanket looked like they were moving, just like ripples in the bay. It was very subtle. Not even visible on video, but I definitely noticed it and I have great vision and I thought maybe it was the light reflecting off the blanket. I didn’t feel alarmed whatsoever. Looking back, I know whatever eventually made itself known was for some reason spending a lot of time on my bed. Some people believe that when we sleep we are closer to the other side, like in between worlds. This is probably why sleep is called the cousin of death. The downstairs of the home is lived in by another person and this person is always in bed and quiet by about 10pm. I think about three times spaced apart, I heard two people having a conversation. It didn’t sound like the person who lived downstairs and it didn’t sound like it was coming from a TV. I couldn’t make out where exactly it was coming from and when I asked the person living downstairs the next day, he told me he did not have anyone over and was asleep. I made it a point that I wasn’t complaining, I was just trying to figure out where the voices were coming from. That was a little unsettling. While I was hearing this I was sure someone was in the house. I’m convinced that this was also related to what I will soon tell you about. Looking back, all these little events were warnings like before a volcano erupts, but I wasn’t able to see what was about to take place. I don’t think these things happening over the course of 9 months to a year would make most people that worried. I wasn’t at all. This is the part where things get crazy. Everyone has those days in their life that separate time, we look at our lives as “Before this happened, and after this happened”. 11/16/20 is one of those days for me, the day before my birthday. The month prior to November 16th I did not have any of the strange occurrences I mentioned take place, they were very few and far between. On 11/15 I had a new mattress delivered, ironically it was a “Casper” brand mattress and I even bought an $85 foam pillow to go with my new mattress. I bought these because my old mattress was worn, not because of any of the things I mentioned before. These was a gift to myself. On 11/15 I slept on my new mattress....and this night was the last night of undisturbed sleep I have had since. On 11/16, I went to bed and while laying in my bed thinking to myself, I remember feeling something come up from the foot of the bed and I could feel the very slightest bit of pressure being put on the blanket and work it’s way up from my feet to right before my head. It hovered for 30 seconds or so. I remember at that moment feeling scared, shocked and confused trying to figure out whether my gut reaction was right. My gut reaction felt a presence hover over me and a persons instant reaction is usually correct. Am I being visited by someone? I was too scared to move or react, I remember only a single tear rolled down my eye. I was stunned. (Why does the same eye always drop the first tear when crying?, anyone else notice that?). The next day I talked about the incident and this was to intense to brush off. At that point I don’t think I was 100% convinced that my gut reaction was right, but I was pretty sure. I spoke to my mom and she did not have anything negative to say, she thought maybe it was someone visiting me. I myself didn’t think it could be something malevolent. I have never experienced anything like this before. The next night I went to bed and within a minute of getting into bed and turning off the lights I felt the bed shake gently, very gently. I would say that the force used was similar to a 4 year old boy pushing at the frame or base of the bed. Before this night, past incidents were just a single nudge, this however was something/someone making themselves known. This lasted for 30 seconds or so and then stopped. I was stunned and eventually I fell asleep and the next day all I could think about was what was happening and why. The next 3 or 4 nights this continuously happened and some nights were worse than others. It lasted 30 seconds or maybe a few minutes. A few times I got up out of bed after it started, and it suddenly stopped. I didn’t feel pure fear but I felt very uneasy. I spent a lot of time trying to find something online about someone having a similar experience. I wanna mention that if you search “bed shaking phenomenon” on YouTube, a video will come up from a YouTuber called “Paranormal Kativity”....Yes it’s Kativity. Never mind what is said in the video, the point I wanna make is that there are over 500 comments of people who must have had their bed strangely shake for no obvious reason and they were concerned enough about it to search it on the internet in hopes of finding an answer. I doubt that all 500+ people are crazy. BI believe that there is some sort of supernatural reason that causes this...There was another YouTube channel of a guy who recorded his bed slightly shaking...It was not enough to be seen on film, but it was obvious these videos were posted by a guy who was shook up and trying to find answers, people did comment and describe some strange things they experienced also. I actually messaged him to try and talk to him but I don’t think he even opened the message. So while this is going on I am consumed by trying to figure it out, but what could I really do, I still had to sleep at night. This continued and by the weekend like the 21st or so the light shaking of the bed continued, one time it shook and my body swayed the tiniest bit from the force. I remember thinking “WTF IS HAPPENING?!?”. Now besides the shaking, at times I felt that something was bubbling up from with in the mattress, like in the way that water boils, at times it felt like it was almost breathing. Looking back I think something was slowly gaining strength or form. I’m sure you are trying to imagine a mental picture of what this was like, it was not severe like in the Exorcist, not even close, but it was enough for me to notice. One thing to remember is I bought a new mattress, so some of my family wondered, “is he freaking out over a new mattress?” I know that some people can bring haunted objects into their home, but I don’t think it had anything to do with a new mattress, there were definitely strange events before the mattress was delivered. The first night I slept on it (15th), everything was normal. I think it had something to do with my birthday. What that is?'... IDK. Anyways after 5 nights of my bed moving at night and me searching the internet for some kind of info, I messaged a paranormal group and explained what was happening and a response was given that said “perhaps it is someone trying to get your attention somehow and it doesn’t sound like anything negative so maybe either acknowledge it or just ignore it”...Up until that point I still didn’t try to speak to whatever was there...It is probably pretty hard for anyone to figure out what is going on based off the few things I spoke of. I kept repeatedly messaging this group and they stopped responding at one point. I’m not the type of person to be imposing, but you can imagine my state of mind at this point. After almost a week of this, I started to get hesitant to get in bed at night. The fear was definitely there by now. I did call out to it and say “who is there?”...but I wasn’t expecting a response and I didn’t get one. Then at one point, probably 2 days or so before Thanksgiving, while in my living room. I feel a vibration in the air right by me. I can’t compare this feeling to anything else I have ever felt...It was just the feeling of a magnetic type of pressure. I just knew that this vibrations feeling I felt beside me, it was related to whatever was shaking my bed. Well at this point I am obsessed with trying to figure out what is going on, and I am hesitant to get in bed. Thanksgiving Eve I pulled my phone out and started recording my room. There I was on Thanksgiving Eve like a crazy person recording my room and moving the camera slowly around despite the fact that nothing blatant is happening. Then while sitting in a chair in my room I suddenly swung the camera to face behind me because I felt a presence behind me. I turn around and see nothing ....I know I felt it. Here is the video that I took that night. 

((Recorded with an iPhone 12 mini) https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eKDPkicmfU4

 In the video there is a sound like the chair is tapped or something, I did not hear that while recording.... It played in my mind over and over with zero explanation. I went to bed and the same shaking continued. Thanksgiving morning I wake up and go about my day, I go to my moms house and I return home. I am sitting in my living room on the couch and I am researching anything I can that is paranormal and stumble across another video where people are describing a similar experience to mine. This was the night that who I was as a person changed forever. Later on I am back in my room and I am once again hesitating to get in bed and I start viewing the recordings I made the night before. I know I felt a presence behind me but I didn’t see anything when I viewed the footage that night. I was scared to get in bed and determined to find an answer. I had the video where I spin the camera behind me because I felt a presence... and then I view the clip that I recorded just one minute after. I hear whispering, I play it back and I hear a person whispering....See if you are able to make out what is being said, about half of the people who listen are able to make out the words being said. You need to use headphones and be in absolute quiet. I will tell shortly in case you are not able to make it out. 

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XtIOepvXp3U
I never felt so terrified and joyed at the same time...Now I could not doubt that something with intelligence that is not flesh and blood was in my room and making itself known. The presence I felt behind me was very real and it spoke to me but I could only hear the voice when I listened to the clip. The past week I was researching paranormal stuff and read about EVP’s. “electronic voice phenomenon” I didn’t know they could be picked up with an iPhone and special equipment was not needed. Whoever said that knew I was looking around for some kind of presence or whomever, and he was saying basically “Turn around” I know you are looking for me.
I texted my Mom at 11:59PM and insisted she listen to the clip right now and I wanted to sleep over her house. She did not want me to come over at midnight and make a scene. I insisted, but she told me to go to bed and that we would talk in the morning. I think we spoke on the phone briefly after she saw I texted her but we just had the same conversation we had through text over the phone. So I sat down again in my room and once I sat down I quickly felt a STRONG presence begin to build behind me. I immediately jumped up scared and said to myself “NO FUC**** WAY, NO FUC***WAY” ... There was no chance of me falling asleep at this point. I thought to go on Facebook live because I wanted to tell the world that ghosts were real and I had one in my room this very moment. I don’t have a big social circle at all and I don’t even really interact on Facebook, but I wanted to tell anyone who would listen. I decided against it. That night I never felt my mind race faster. I couldn’t even process what was happening. It really just can’t be put into words. I looked back at text messages for a reference point to type this story. I saw that night my mom said “I think this is an evil spirit”. She was right, I didn’t think it was a friendly one but I didn’t think things were about to get anywhere near as bad as they did. I got in bed and and pulled the blankets over me and now I don’t just feel the bed shaking. I felt what was like someone or something moving on the bed right around my feet...I jumped out of bed in shock, turned on the lights and thought “WTF!!!....OH SH* ! FU** THAT!!” The bed is not just shaking, now, something/someone is moving on it...I felt shocked, there is no way this is really happening, I heard this voice on tape so I know I’m not going crazy. It was just an unimaginable fear that you cannot stop thinking about. “What is this thing? Who is it?” “Why is it here?”...That moment/memory is one that is burned into my mind. It was almost 4AM, and I had to be up for work at 7AM....I needed to get to sleep...I got back in bed and asked this spirit to please leave me alone. I said “I don’t care if you wanna hangout here but please leave me alone and let me sleep”. This was NOT the right thing to say as this only feeds into it, like I am inviting it by conversing with it. At this point I still didn’t realize what I was dealing with was evil and about to torment me, I thought it was someone just trying to get a message across....I woke nthe next morning and sent the recording of a voice to members of my family and said “please listen ASAP” about half of them were able to make out what was being said without me telling them....I felt relieved that I had proof of whatever was occurring. I got ready for work feeling exhausted yet my mind was still racing. While at work I sat down and realized that something was pushing my chair lightly, it was not enough to push me out of my chair, nowhere near, but I definitely felt it.... I realized that whatever was in my room was now following me wherever I went. I got in my car to go home and I was having my seat pushed from behind me. I realized at this point this was not a friendly spirit, it was an evil one. It could clearly see that I am scared, yet it continues to do the same thing. I got home feeling exhausted and physically hungry but I couldn’t even eat due to the stress. I am home at 6pm and was desperate to sleep. I was terrified to go to sleep in my room with the lights off, so I laid on the couch in the living room my grandparent there with the lights on while he watched TV. Whatever was following me now was touching my feet as I tried to sleep. It just felt like one finger slowly moving back and forth on my foot, barely much pressure at all, but I felt it. It was at that very moment I realized I was screwed. About 5 or 10 minutes later my mom came to my home feeling concerned. She saw a pale, terrified and stressed person. I forgot what I wanted to tell her but I whispered something to her because I did not want this spirit to hear what I was saying. My mom being my mom just repeated very loudly what I had just whispered. (I can laugh now looking back on it) She believed me at this point and yelled for whatever was here to get out and leave me alone...I did not have faith that this would work but there wasn’t much else to do but pray for this thing to leave me alone...There was no way I was falling asleep anytime soon (once again) so I eventually went to get something quick to eat because I had to at this point. I don’t think I even ate lunch that day....Whatever this was it knew it was tormenting me. I went to bed later on, I turned off the lights and within one minute, I felt 2 small dog like animals jump on the bed and would walk all around me, and at times come right up to my face. I remember feeling what felt like a wet nose touch me. Even though I was never once hurt by them. I would wrap my legs up in the blanket tightly, if I didn’t they would make a digging motion just like a regular dog would, and they would try to get under the blanket just to crawl around underneath it. These particular ones couldn’t move right through the blanket. While the dog like animals were doing that, someone would still shake the bed lightly. I have heard of homes being haunted, but my family was the original owner and never experienced anything paranormal. I was the only one who was experiencing this. I have never in my life heard of animal like creatures harassing people. “Are they trying to take my soul?” “Are they going to try and possess me?”...This was the first of many scary nights to come and the worst had not happened yet.
I woke up that Saturday morning of Thanksgiving weekend and while this was all happening, besides fear I just felt absolute shock. “How could this be happening?” “Why is this happening?” I felt so scared and I felt so alone, no one that I knew could offer me any advice nor had they been through anything similar. So Saturday morning I went to work for a half day and put on my game face to hide what was happening. I could barely focus at work but I pushed through. That day I told my boss at my job what was happening. I felt comfortable telling him the whole story because he’s a down to earth person and I knew he would listen to me. I thought I might be on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I didn’t want him to think something else was wrong. I felt like I didn’t know what was gonna happen and thought I might need to be hospitalized at some point. As people get older we see more tragedy, maybe we lose a family member or we see someone go through cancer or maybe we ourselves get stricken with illness. At the very least we see someone else go through it and we sympathize. We see these unfortunate scenarios and we wonder what it would be like for us. It is probably difficult for you to sympathize for me because it just seems impossible to happen. Nothing can prepare a person for something like this, the only thing that can is a previous paranormal experience.

 Well, anyways back to my crazy story. So i am at work on Saturday. I keep this little box on a shelf at my job that only I know about, I keep pens and a set of keys that I use. I am the only one who knows where it is. At the end of work on Saturday I went to put a pen and a set of keys in there and the box was not where I always keep it. I noticed that in its place was a light USPS padded envelope with my name on it. I remembered that I through it in the garbage at my home. This envelope was definitely thrown out at my home, I would not bring it in my car or job for any reason. I saw that the box that is usually in that spot was moved on the opposite shelf. Something moved this item and did it to show me it’s power that it can physically move things. This just sent me into a further panic. I left work and on my way home, I parked my car in a shopping center and called another paranormal group that I was messaging back and forth. I called this woman and told her what was happening. At this point I was talking in that right on the verge of crying voice. I asked her if this spirit could physically hurt me, like basically how much physical strength might it have. She said “at times some do have some strength” some spirits really do have strength but it was impossible for her to tell what exactly I was dealing with based off a conversation. She told me to be strong and that whatever this is will feed of my fear,. She sent me the St. Michael prayer and told me that a more experienced investigator would call me back in the next few days to speak about my situation. So there I was feeling terrified, frightened and my only hope was a woman I had never met would contact me and be able to somehow help me. I was banking on her to bring me back to a normal life. I went to a deli to get an egg sandwich, I regularly go there once a week. I am pretty good at putting on a mask to hide my emotions, but by now I feel like I am about to lose my mind. I walked in the deli, and the same young girl that is always working was there as usual. When I walked in we both looked at each other, the moment we did, I saw the look on her face instantly change. She thought to herself “I don’t know what it is but I just got a bad feeling, something is VERY wrong with him”....She was the only stranger who seemed to pick up on this. I wonder if she realized by the look on my face that I knew that she knew. Since she picked up on one thing she probably picked up on that also. After that I went to a jewelry store to purchase a crucifix. When you’re being harassed by something supernatural, if you were not religious before, you will become religious really quickly...at least I did. I don’t know if my belief was 100% sincere, but I channeled whatever faith I had. So there on the busiest shopping day of the year where most people are getting hyped for Christmas, I was buying a crucifix in hopes that this thing would ward off this evil spirit, just like the way it does to a vampire in a movie. I returned home and at this point I am still exhausted from the lack of sleep I was getting at night. I laid down on my bed in my room with some natural sunlight and closed my eyes to try and rest. Within about five seconds of closing my eyes, footsteps of what seemed to be four-legged something walked alongside my body and got to my chest and stepped right over me. I jumped up and I screamed at the top of my lungs “GET THE F*** OUT OF HERE” “LEAVE ME ALONE! ”. I screamed as loud as I possibly could for 30 seconds. This probably made my tormenter happy because he saw how upset I was. Once again I was not falling asleep anytime soon. I went to a friends house I have known for 20 years and I was in touch with him about all that was happening. This person did have their own experience or two, and they believed me because when you know someone for 20 years, you know them well. I explained to him and his girlfriend that something was following me and would walk around me right on my bed. It didn’t matter if I was trying sleep at night or if I even closed my eyes at this point. I then sat between him and his girlfriend and wanted to see if what was bothering would still come right by me while I was sitting in between two people, it did not. We tried to make sense of what was going on but couldn’t. I had their small dog sit on my lap while they backed away. I sat there petting it and like any dog it was happy with me doing this. Within a few minutes this spirit came right up against me with that same pressure and the dog jumped out of my lap and yelped like it had just been electrocuted. The dog was never hurt, it just felt the pressure of this thing which would make a dog or any person jump. When the two of them saw that, there was no doubt in their mind about something paranormal was happening with me. I soon left because I couldn’t really sit still and I went back home. I sat down on the couch and continued on with what was one of the worst days of my life. There was another day in my life that felt just as bad, but in reality it was nowhere near as bad, I was just a young child who didn’t know what was right and wrong in life and that was my immature reaction to that other bad day. That’s another story for another day. Whatever this was, it was now shaking the couch I was sitting on back home. It did not have the strength to flip the couch, but I felt it shaking. It would never do anything to expose itself while around poeple. However my grandpa couldn’t catch on to much and it was like they knew that. I thought to myself “How much stronger is this going to get?”. By this point if I closed my eyes while sitting on my couch I would see a flashing bright light with my eyes closed and whatever this was would walk on the couch right beside me, it actually always tried to move directly towards me. Even thought at this point it didn’t touch me, it’s not an easy thing to ignore. Another way to harass me was that it would scratch the carpet all around my feet, it would never actually touch them but that by itself was scary enough. Once it realized that I wasn’t reacting to this, it began to scratch on the couch right between my legs, it would scratch the sofa right by the last place a guy wants to be maliciously grabbed. So this being had intelligence and knew exactly what would freak a person out. Once that happened I just felt shock and thought, how will I ever explain this to another person, this is absolutely crazy!!! I was messaging back and forth with the woman I spoke with earlier today, she gave me the benefit of the doubt that I was not suffering from mental illness and she told me that I could get past this nightmare. I was told to pray and be strong and soon I would have another person call me back to help me. I was helpless, I couldn’t go to a hospital and tell them about the spirits harassing me. Otherwise I would be in a psych ward and whatever this is would be harassing me in the psych ward. Why a person and dog spirit were bothering me I don’t know, if you google hellhound there is a belief in a black dog that is a malevolent entity. My grandpa still had his wits despite his age. The past year and half maybe, there was a weekly or bi weekly occurrence where he would be on the couch dozing off, then he would jolt awake and tell me that he just saw a person in front of him. He was always adamant that he just saw someone, they were usually people he didn’t know. A few times he saw people he once knew who had passed away. A few times he was sure he felt someone had touched him. I figured he was old and getting senile, but there were no other aspects in his life where he appeared to be losing it. This happened not often but like I said maybe bi weekly on average. Well maybe a few months before this whole thing started, I googled “old people start to see people who aren’t there”. Some people believe they are getting closer to the other side and they are starting to see deceased people. Similar how some people believe kids are fresh from the other side and they can see ghosts/spirits. The reason I bring it up is because the week before this started, he told me one night he saw a black dog with a long nose just outside my room in the middle one night. I asked him if he was dreaming, he didn’t think he was. There was not one instance other than that where he saw any type of animal....I know that what he saw was related to what was going on with me....No doubt in my mind. So Saturday night I go to bed and it’s the same thing again. I would turn off the lights and lay down and it would immediately begin. I would literally feel the weight of them on the mattress, I would reach out to try and touch them and they wouldn’t they be there, the. they would just come from a different angle. They could move under the blanket and when I lifted the blanket they wouldn’t be there. Then they just came at me from a different angle. You are probably asking yourself “ Why not just leave a light on” ...the thing is if I left a light on they would still harass me. The freakiest thing is that they would come from behind me or right from the side of me, really just wherever I was NOT looking. I would close my eyes and I would feel them moving towards me. When I would open my eyes they would not be there...imagine that for a moment, it is a crazy scary thing to deal with. I woke up that next day which was a Sunday and I could feel the weight of one on my bed. It was probably there all night. It was Sunday morning and the initial horror and fear of the past 2 days had peaked. I still had no clue what was happening and what all this meant, but I was determined to still continue with my life. Whatever this was it wasn’t hurting me physically, and I wasn’t going to mentally give up. I made a decision to go about my life whether or not these things were bothering me. I had hope that this nightmare could one day be a piece of my past. My close friend offered to go to church with me and I said “No”...I am sure that some of you probably are thinking to yourself “That is the first place I would go! “ I made a decision that I was going to go food shopping do my laundry and a few other errands that I did not do for the past few days because I was barely able to function. I was determined to not let whatever this was control my entire life. I took care of a few errands and went to my moms for dinner while whatever was following me was there gently pushing my chair at the dinner table and I couldn’t prove it was happening to them but it was. It was just enough so I could feel it but not for others to notice. As night time comes around I am still waiting on this woman who has experience dealing with things like this to call me back and maybe offer some insight. I just had to get through this hard time so that my life could one day be normal again. I went to bed Sunday night and again the same thing continues. So Monday starts a new work day and I went to work and noticed that whatever was following me would make my thin necklace move on my neck. It was like the necklace was being flicked from behind, I did not feel anyone touch my skin, but I felt the necklace constantly move. Now this did not cause and pain at all it was just psychologically stressful, it was this things way of saying, “I am going to follow and torment you allllll day”.....So towards the end of the day on Monday, I was the only one left in one part of the building. I experienced something that would only happen one other time, this was one of the scariest parts of this experience. I legitimately was worried that this thing would try to possess me. I would of NEVER before worried about something like that and I bet you haven’t either. Well after the past weekend NOTHING sounded impossible. I felt this spirit sort of like fly into me, this was different then putting pressure against my body. I felt this spirit fly right at my me and I got the most intense butterflies, and at the same time I got this panicked feeling like something bad was about to happen. I felt mentally frozen like I lost my power to think and decide anything. The whole thing lasted maybe 15 seconds and that ended. Looking back I truly believe that something was trying to take me over. I drove home from work that day while this thing pushed my car seat from behind me and again I am just anxiously waiting for this woman to call me back so I can maybe resume a normal life again. Once I get back home the harassment changed and started in a new way. This particular method only lasted one day. I eventually sat down and the spirit would get right behind my back and I felt this pressure coming off it. This is something that is very hard to describe, it was air pressure. It felt NOT like a wind type of pressure, it felt like a 500 pound tiger condensed into 1 square foot and was poised to pounce on me. I was sitting on my couch with my back NOT pressed up against the back of the couch. This thing was right behind me giving off this pressure, so I moved to sit all the way back and it just moved on the top of the back of the couch. I couldn’t escape it. Whichever way I would turn it would move exactly as I would. It once again caused my whole body to feel butterflies and tense, even if you know this thing is not going to jump, just feeling that physical sensation causes a natural reaction in the body to be scared and tense. There is no other physical situation that compares to it. Finally, I hear my phone ring and see it’s this woman who can maybe help me. I answered my phone and this woman was very understanding and uplifting, just speaking to her made me feel better. She asked me standard questions for this kind of thing. “Did I play with a Ouija board ever or dabble in any sort of magic? or “Do I know anyone who practices any such thing” I told her I used a Ouija board a few times in 1996/1997, other than that I did nothing else similar. I told her that I made frequent trips to a cemetery to bring a grandparent to visit family’s graves. She said that cemetery’s are very active places for spirits and something could have followed me home. I explained to her that I did use drugs every day at one point but that’s been over with for years now. I was told that something could have been with me since when I played with a Ouija board those few times, perhaps since I was no longer destroying my life, maybe something that was influencing me was now trying to destroy me directly through harassment. I was told it could also be someone putting a hex or a curse on me, or maybe it was an old curse that was placed somewhere and I just walked through the wrong place at the wrong time. I also had a near death experience and sometimes that can maybe open up a level of consciousness that gave me new abilities. I became drug and alcohol free in 2016 after many years of addiction, and after like 19 months clean I relapsed and overdosed. I remember right before I was revived, I was flying fast through somewhere totally dark. As I’m flying fast through this darkness, there is like some type of explosion (NOT like a fire) happening right behind me. It was literally right behind me the entire time. While this is happening I can’t see anyone, but I hear friendly voices who are trying to help me escape whatever is happening right behind me. This lasted maybe a minute and I regained consciousness. Now I don’t know if I was really about to cross over to the other side, or if my mind gained consciousness before my body did, and that was how I interpreted the chaotic scene of the doctors trying to revive me. I just want to mention as much as I was terrified there was always a little bit of me that was maybe 2% fascinated 98% terrified by this whole thing. Ok so back to the conversation I was having, this woman told me at some point she could do an investigation and maybe make this thing go away. Also I wanna mention as soon as I got on the phone with her she told me to turn off every noise around me so that she may be able to hear any voices of spirits in the background, she did hear a few but couldn’t figure out much based off that. I think that just helped her to figure out whether I was really experiencing paranormal activity or if I was just crazy. This was all help provided free of charge so this person had no reason to lie to me. We were on the phone for about an hour and once I hung up the phone with her I remember she told me this might go away on its own without their intervention....When she said that I thought, “Hey if that’s possible, I am going to believe that and run with it”. I didn’t feel this presence for about 3 minutes when we ended the call, but it soon came back around. I eventually went to bed and the harassment seemed more intense now.” Whenever it came by my face I would always worry, will it posses me and have me hurt my family?” I prayed and used whatever faith I had to ask god for help and I did not want to feed this thing with fear. It seemed to make sense that it fed off fear, because at first the harassment was only in bed at night, then I felt the vibrations in the air a little bit, then it went to 24/7 after about a week. It seemed like it had to build itself up. I was determined to no longer be afraid and I hoped this thing would go away on its own. Over the next three days the fear did die down a little bit and it seemed as this this thing was getting weaker. It wasn’t pushing that hard on the back of my chair as it had before. It also wasn’t really flicking my necklace. By Thursday night, there was nothing that was walking on my bed, it was just back to only shaking a little bit. I felt this positivity like I could handle whatever life throws at me and just relief because I thought maybe it was almost over and done with...Things got ALOT worse before they got better, the crazy thing is they are still going on. Throughout my life one thing I have learned is that I am stronger then I think I am. I think that is true for most people, the ones who say nothing phases them are usually the first to fold. It’s like that saying in kindergarten with the poster of the kitten hanging onto the bar. “You have no idea how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have” ....I had to cut my Story short due to a character limit on Reddit but things got a lot worse before they got better, activity still goes on I am just used to it at this point. This activity only affects me, no one else in the house. I didn’t wanna share this but I feel like I had to....Maybe I can get some answers.....These clips below were taken with a Nest-cam. I have no animals or rodents in my house of any kind. I have seen nothing like this anywhere else. I know my room looks plain like a room of a mental hospital. One of my co workers pointed that out. I was sleeping with a hat because this spirit was touching my hair. 

Light orbs flying by
https://youtu.be/61Pz-fBp5us
I have no idea what this thing jumping at my face is... https://youtube.com/watch?v=8tW10oSTGQc&feature=share
This was recorded at 6:30AM. Again...no idea
https://youtu.be/0eHtIwyVGx8

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo is directly responsible for the deaths of 15,000 nursing home residents who he sent back to nursing facilities after they had tested positive for COVID, thus carrying the virus with them that spread throughout nursing facilities. Conservatives have been saying that for months; liberals are just realizing that now.
While Florida Governor DeSantis gets piled on by the media for opening the Sunshine State, Andrew Cuomo gets plaudits and even published a book titled American Crisis: Leadership Lessons from the COVID-19 Pandemic.
Let the irony of this title sink in for a moment…
The media celebrates Cuomo, even going as far as awarding him an Emmy and praising his book about coronavirus leadership, despite the fact this his decisions have directly led to more coronavirus deaths than any other state in the Union.
Governor Cuomo ordered nursing home residents to their deaths and then blamed…you guessed it…the Trump administration for his incompetence. Way to be a statesman, Andrew.
The coward Cuomo had the audacity to utter the following statement: “But who cares — 33 [percent], 29 [percent] — died in the hospital, died in a nursing home? They died.”
The story of the Cuomo nursing home coverup just took an even uglier turn. According to one of Cuomo’s top aides, the governor’s office refused to release nursing home COVID data because they feared prosecution from the Department of Justice.
Naturally, she blamed Trump because he was the one that brought attention to Cuomo’s inhumane nursing home policy on Twitter.
The bombshell report was published in the pages of the New York Post, which reported the following:
“Gov. Andrew Cuomo’s top aide privately apologized to Democratic lawmakers for withholding the state’s nursing home death toll from COVID-19 — telling them ‘we froze’ out of fear that the true numbers would ‘be used against us’ by federal prosecutors, The Post has learned.
The stunning admission of a coverup was made by secretary to the governor Melissa DeRosa during a video conference call with state Democratic leaders in which she said the Cuomo administration had rebuffed a legislative request for the tally in August because ‘right around the same time, [then-President Donald Trump] turns this into a giant political football,’ according to an audio recording of the two-hour-plus meeting.
‘He starts tweeting that we killed everyone in nursing homes,’ DeRosa said. ‘He starts going after [New Jersey Gov. Phil] Murphy, starts going after [California Gov. Gavin] Newsom, starts going after [Michigan Gov.] Gretchen Whitmer.”
In addition to attacking Cuomo’s fellow Democratic governors, DeRosa said, Trump ‘directs the Department of Justice to do an investigation into us.’
‘And basically, we froze,’ she told the lawmakers on the call.’”
Really? You guys froze?
This from the guy who wrote a book about leadership during the pandemic. Strong leaders don’t freeze under pressure—they excel and do the right thing.
No, Cuomo was worried about saving his own butt. This was never about protecting New Yorkers; this was about avoiding personal embarrassment and possibly a federal and state investigation.
How dumb does he think the people of his state are? If they knew these facts, he would have been castigated by New Yorkers and might have suffered a similar fate to what California Governor Gavin Newsom is facing right now—a potential recall.
The people who most needed protection from the China Virus were seniors, particularly those in nursing homes. 15,000 nursing home residents are now dead, due in large part to the incompetence and immoral actions of Governor Cuomo.
He put his own personal interests ahead of the lives of elderly New Yorkers and their loved ones were denied the truth.
Well, now that the truth has been exposed, it is time for Cuomo to resign and to be prosecuted for obstructing justice.
If this calamity isn’t worthy of a forced resignation, there is nothing that is.
For the good of the residents of New York, Governor Cuomo must resign …immediately! New Yorkers deserve better than what he’s offering.

Last time, I tried telling you why we were in an Apocalypse using all of the logic and reasoning skills I could muster. But anyway you look at it, claiming, "This is the end!" is an extraordinary move. I couldn't blame you for thinking I was being dramatic. So, all gimmicks aside, I’d like to take a deeper dive and examine why it really DOES feel like the end of the world to me.
Mostly, it's because I'm frustrated and hopeless.
It’s not just Covid and all the mess that’s happened because of the pandemic. It’s everything that’s taken place in my entire life for the past couple of years! It’s learning so much about people, healthcare, and medicine, physics, chemistry, engineering, technology, mathematics, government, law, society, politics, and the world in general, and being powerless to change anything.
If you couldn’t tell from the previous chapter, I am a MASSIVE nerd who happens to really enjoy learning about science and nature and the Universe, and I have a genuine curiosity about pretty much everything.
Apparently I know a lot. I'm full of some pretty useful information, and I feel like there's so much good I could be doing.
That said, when I look around these days, what's the point? What can I even do? Society is pretty fucked up from my opinion, and I don’t see how any of that is going to change. I don’t see how society will ever get better when no one really believes we are capable of changing it. And it seems like it’s only a matter of time before things come crashing down.
But even if they never do, it’s sad and disheartening knowing that humanity is so smart, so creative, and has discovered so many incredible things. Yet this society--this American culture that we live in where so many people genuinely don’t feel like they have real opportunities or any real ability to live freely . . .
It’s sad that this is the best we got. And it frustrates me and weighs on me every single day because my brain is weird. It’s overactive, and I literally CAN NOT stop thinking about things, analyzing things, or trying to figure out the world around me.
Some of this is because I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Like most ‘aspiring’ artists with an imagination and an ego, I always thought I was supremely more creative and talented than I actually am, and I always dreamed that I was going to write some wildly popular books, become famous, and get rich. So I fantasized about doing the one thing I’ve always wanted to do, which is find a way to help people and give back and re-invigorate communities.
My personal philosophy regarding money is that it’s worthless if it’s not being used to make shit better or make someone happy. I know it sounds cliché. But truthfully, I’ve always been a little bit disgruntled by society. I can’t help but pick out the flaws in everything I see and think about ways I could make it better. It’s almost like a game, and it’s a running daydream of mine.
Needless to say, none of those dreams ever came true. And you know how I said my downward spiral started after I told the truth?
Well,...
It’s impossible to pick a decent starting point without giving you my entire life story (although that is the plan with the series). The easiest place to begin is the day I saw some guy at work who gave me a good vibe, and the night I was in a plane crash.
It was 2018. I was working as a nurse at the time, and I’d been at my job for several years. But nursing has never been my passion. I’d tried to pursue my dream of being an author. I’d started writing my first novel. I’d gotten a lot further than I ever expected, and I was so stoked about it. But it wasn’t quite finished. I was too unsatisfied with my daily routine to feel creative. I was unsatisfied with my job, unsatisfied with my position in life, and I was desperate for change.
That's what motivated me to enroll in flight school.
I’ve always been fascinated by airplanes. I am obsessed with the idea of flight, and airports are one of my favorited places. It seemed natural, like it was the right decision at the time. So I went for it. I’d earned my private license, instrument rating, a few endorsements, and I was in the process of getting my commercial license.
I was well into the course. That’s why I was in an airplane at night, flying solo, surrounded by clouds and cruising at 6000ft on September 10, 2018.
So as far as I was aware, it was a routine training flight. We practice for emergencies, but I never imagined anything would go wrong that day. However, the moment the fuel pump gave out and the engine went silent, I knew what was happening—what was going to happen.
A full 7 minutes passed from the time I made my first MayDay call till the plane hit the ground, and for a full 7 minutes, I knew I was going to die. That’s why I couldn’t pay attention to it. I didn’t blink. I was focused. The entire horizon before me was pitch-black, and there wasn’t a single visible place to land. I had absolutely no clue what sort of terrain I was over, if there were buildings in my path, or how many obstacles I’d hit on the way down. But I knew one thing, if I didn’t control the plane and keep my eyes open, I didn’t stand a chance.
Though I wasn’t thinking about death, as the plane lost altitude, my life flashed before my eyes. It was sad and filled with nothing but regrets.
Before I’d left the house that evening, I told my parents where I was going, what I was doing, and to expect me home in a few hours. But that wasn’t going to happen. They were going to get a phone call, instead, and I could imagine how distraught they were going to be. I could feel the devastation, but there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it while I was in that cockpit.
Then there was my best friend who I hadn’t seen in a while. We’ve always had a unique relationship, one where we don’t talk to each other for most of the year, then we have our annual meetings where we link up and carry on like nothing ever happened. I used to joke about it saying our lives were too boring. That we needed to separate just so enough things could happen between the two of us for there to be something to talk about.
But that wasn’t true.
I was just overwhelmed trying to establish my own life, and she was busy trying to live hers. So much had gone on with her that I just wasn’t a part of for so many reasons. And I’d told her about my novel when I first started writing it. She was never going to see the ending, and I would never be able to share my other stories with her, or anyone else for that matter.
You’d think that’d be it, but. . .
It’s hard for me to click with other people.
I’m not the best conversationalist. I have a hard time expressing myself in groups or around people I just meet, and it makes talking to others a bit difficult. At the time, I was painfully aware that I’d never actually been on a date. I’d never been in a relationship. I hadn’t experienced anything close to what you’d call ‘romance’. I didn’t know what it was like to feel attractive or wanted or desired. I had no idea what it felt like to be surrounded by friends. I didn’t know what it felt like to be depended on, needed, and worth fighting for. And if I was being perfectly honest, I had no clue whether people actually enjoyed talking to me because no one ever did. If I didn’t reach out first, no one ever bothered to hit me up. And even then, I could never seem to figure out what the right words to say in order to actually--communicate.
So the worst part of my regrets was the fact that I never said “hello” to that guy at work, the one I said I got a good vibe from (I’ll call him Sean). I regretted the fact that I’d missed another opportunity to break out of my shell and build a social life, yet I still had the nerve to complain and the audacity to be unhappy.
Mostly, I regretted the fact that, even if I survived, I knew my shyness wouldn’t change. It’s something I’ve struggled with my entire life. And at a certain point, how can you be anything other than yourself?
God only knows.
Luckily for me, I did survive. I only hit one tree on the way down. I managed to crash land in the only empty field in the area, and heavy rains had softened the ground days before, dampening the impact. I ended up walking away with just a few scratches. But if anything had gone differently, I might not be here today.
That night in my hotel room, I was alone, shaken up from the crash, and I wanted someone to talk to. Looking through my phone, it occurred to me that I didn’t really have anyone I could lean on in the middle of the night. I mean, I’d called my parents and told them what happened, but I’d left out some details so they wouldn’t spend the right of the night worrying.
I didn’t want to call my best friend. It was well passed 2am. I didn’t know if she’d answer. Also, I just didn’t want to ‘bother’ her.
That’s not really the word I’m looking for, though.
I guess the simplest way of putting it is, in that moment, I wanted something more intimate. I wanted a type of comfort I’d never been able to build in any relationship. So I settled for texting a few people, some of whom I’d known for years. In hindsight, I suppose I set myself up for that disappointment. But it shocked me when I told these guys I’d been a crash, and I realized just how superficial all of my “friendships” were.
It occurred to me, if I had died that night, absolutely nothing in their lives would have changed. And that was such a hard truth to accept.
All the walls I’d built came crashing down. I didn’t cry about it. But I was forced to admit just how lonely I really was. I was forced to admit how much I’d been lying to myself, pretending that I was happy when I wasn’t.
I’ve gone through some pretty dark periods in life. I was determined not to experience that sort of pain ever again, so I made a resolution. I promised myself that I was going to change. I promised that, somehow, I’d figure out how to bond with people, or I’d at least learn how to feel confident with just being me.
I launched myself on a self-discovery and self-improvement kick, and I took a lot of steps, but it did not go well.
I was taking care of my health. I learned some valuable things about nutrition, dieting, exercise, and weightlifting. I’d re-vamped my workout program. I was taking care of my body. But I wasn’t actually doing anything to be more outgoing. I wasn’t talking to more people or striking up more conversations. My actual demeanor and the way I interacted with others hadn’t changed.
I was still shy.
Nice. Pleasant. Easy-going. But shy. And come December, I started slinking into a depression.
I was feeling survivor’s guilt thinking, “Why the hell did God save me if I wasn’t going to grow from this? Who gets in a crash and doesn’t get motivated to embrace life? Why is it so hard for me to change? For me to talk to people?” It was so hard waking up in the mornings. It was hard trying to stay motivated, and for the first time in my life, I started experiencing suicidal ideations.
I’d be on the freeway, and I’d imagine what it would be like to drive off the overpass. I found myself at work one evening wondering if it’d be possible to bleed to death by inserting a bunch of 18 gauge IVs into my arms.
Honestly, I was taken aback by how low I felt. And I admitted that, too.
I started opening up to a few people. It was uncomfortable. But over time, I gained a little more confidence about it. I started putting myself out there a little more and trying to be sociable with a few co-workers. I immediately hit it off with a fellow nurse I’ll call Brutus. After a while, I even started talking to Sean, too. That was difficulty, to say the least. Our interests seemed like they might be similar, and he was honestly just someone it felt like I could be good friends with, which is why the fact that I’m gay and he wasn’t made things vastly more complicated than I wish they could have been.
Even though I complained about it, I’ve always been fairly passive about the whole friend making process. I’d usually wait until someone noticed me or circumstances aligned for us to start talking. The fact that I actively want to pursue a friendship with someone while being too anxious to actually make it work fucked with me. I felt like a loser, like I was just wrong for thinking I was allowed to pick who I talked to instead of letting things happen naturally like you’re always advised.
It was a lot for my already active brain to process, so I started taking my Vyvanse, again. I suppose I have ADHD, although that really depends on your definition. Mostly, I was just desperate to stop overthinking.
But that was a decision that sealed my fate in aviation.
You might not know this, but the list of medications and medical ailments that bar you from being a pilot is LONG and extensive. If you’re unfortunate enough to experience any sort of mental illness or life crisis that requires psychoactive treatment, you can kiss your medical clearance goodbye. Without that, you can’t legally fly an airplane, and that was a tough blow considering I’d already invested $70,000+ into flight lessons. But I was committed to getting over my social phobias. So shortly after that, I started taking Zoloft, an antidepressant that helps with social anxiety.
It’s funny. Although I have all of the symptoms, not once did it occur to me that I might have social anxiety. I always thought it was just shy. That I got nervous too easily. That it took me a really long time to relax around people, and until I was comfortable, my brain would just be empty and I wouldn’t know what to say.
But for some reasons I can’t explain, seeing Sean, struggling to talk to him, and actually having a conversation where he shared his views on mental illness really opened my perspective. And once I took my first dose of Zoloft, the effects were dramatic and immediate.
I didn’t give a shit about anything! I wasn’t nervous or anxious, and I could talk to people without my heart racing.
It was great!
But it was also the oddest sensation. Zoloft made me feel good, but it didn’t change my perception. My ‘awareness’ was fully present, and it’s hard to describe how strange it felt being in a situation and knowing full well I was uncomfortable, knowing full well that if I weren’t taking a pill I’d be overcome with angst. Yet, I could just smile right through it and for the most part, not feel a thing.
I guess this is where my naivety got the best of me.
I didn’t know the “not giving a shit” was just the emotional blunting people tend to experience when starting a new antidepressant. Even though I overthink things, I’ve always tried my best to remain self-aware, to always know what I was feeling, what I was responding too, and why. As a result, I spend a lot of time wondering about other people’s opinion, wondering if they notice me or if they see me. Wondering what their likes and dislikes are. I always wonder if I’m saying the right thing or doing the right thing. Is my personality coming off right? Am I fitting in? Or am I just acting like a spaz?
With the emotional blunting, I was aware of those thoughts, but I couldn’t feel them, anymore. I wasn’t consumed by them. Seeing the confidence other people seem to have and feeling the confidence that pill gave me, I thought I’d finally discovered what it was like to feel normal.
I was the most outgoing I’d ever been. I was the most talkative and friendly. I was in the best shape of my life. I was taking chances and putting myself out there. I was actually hanging out with people! I was going to bars and restaurants and I actually had a social life. And thanks to Sean, I was introduced to so many aspects of myself that I never knew existed.
Sean was really into tattoos and cars and street racing. He’d invited me to a few car meets. It wasn’t my typical scene, and I often felt like I was outside my comfort zone. But the more I embraced it, the more I wound up falling in love with an entire subculture that’d been hiding right under my nose, and it was just great.
I can’t even begin to tell you how genuinely happy I was.
Then the emotional blunting started to wear off.
It is technically a side effect, one that you’re not supposed to have. And that’s something I didn’t know prior to my mental health journey, something no one talks about, and something we never even discussed in nursing school. If you are on a medication that’s supposed to relieve you of your depression or anxiety and you find yourself in a situation/environment that still provokes negative thoughts, not only will you feel it, but it will come back with a vengeance.
For me, it came in the form of panic attacks, something I’d never experienced before.
Despite my grievances, the hospital that I worked at (an LTAC) wasn’t a terrible place, but it wasn’t ideal. The facility was small. The number of opportunities for advancement were limited. What’s more, there’s an unspoken hierarchy in the nursing field among specialties.
More ‘advanced’ specialties such as critical care (ICU/NICU/IMU), emergency (ETrauma), Chemotherapeutic nursing, etc. tend to look down on other areas. Because our patients stay for such lengthy periods of time and our focus is on managing chronic conditions, the broader nursing profession views long term acute care facilities as glorified nursing homes. That’s far from being true, but the longer your work in an LTAC, the more you will be stigmatized. If you stay in your position for more than a few years, eventually you’ll be blacklisted, and it’ll be that much harder finding a new job.
Sean, Brutus, and a few other co-workers I befriended were relatively new. They had dreams in healthcare that extended far beyond the scope of our facility. I knew they were going to be leaving soon to apply for new positions and advance their careers.
I wish I could have been more secure in my friendships then. But the truth is I was terrified.
I’d already tried transferring to another hospital using word of mouth and a good reference to get my foot in the door. But I’d been working as an LTAC nurse for four years. I was already untouchable. Not just that. I still wanted something different, something creative that would allow me to be fulfilled, and I knew I wouldn’t find that in nursing. So I couldn’t help but worry about what was going to happen when my friends left. Would they still want to talk to me? Would they even make an effort to reach out?
Was I finally good enough for people to want to stick around? Or would I be forgotten? Like usual?
The first time those thoughts crossed my mind, the response was instantaneous. I went from smiling to being overcome with fear, doubt, and such a deep sadness that had tears streaming from my eyes. I couldn’t catch my breath. I was so afraid that the new life I’d built, the new friends I’d made, the new ‘me’ I’d discovered, wouldn’t last, and that I’d be all alone again. I was afraid isolation really was all the Universe would ever have in store for me.
But I didn’t want to give up. Surely I was overreacting, right? Or I was just being dramatic. Maybe I hadn’t really gotten over the plane crash. Or maybe there was more self-improvement and confidence boosting I needed to do.
Either way, I reached out to my prescriber to adjust my dose of Zoloft, and I immediately got in touch with my manager, Josephine. I didn’t give her all of the details, but I told her about the crash, the mental health journey I was on, and that the medication was making me feel better, but there were still some kinks I needed to work out. I still didn’t know how the pill would continue affecting me, and I wanted to stay safe. I wanted to keep my shit under control.
She advised me to take an Intermittent Family Medical Leave of Absence, and I did. I got in touch with HR, talked to my prescriber, and filled out the paperwork the next week. Whenever I was feeling bad or the stress was just too much, I could call off work up to twice per week.
I had no real intentions of using the privilege. I honestly just wanted to stabilize on my meds and have the carefree attitude Zoloft gave me be my normal. I just wanted to be fixed. But the more I questioned how I could possibly feel so good yet so vulnerable, broken, and exposed at the same time, the worse my fears became.
There were so many days where I barely felt like waking up in the morning. I was kind of ashamed at being so emotional and unable to keep myself together. It’s almost like I wanted to hide in bed, wait for the next day, and hope things would magically fall into place. And mostly I wanted to cry about it, because I knew that wasn’t going to happen, and I wasn’t sure what else I could do.
As bad as I felt, I still kept showing up for work. Even though I had the option to call off, realistically, I felt like I couldn’t take it. We were already short staffed. It’d been that way for over a year. Almost everyone was already pulling overtime just to meet the staffing needs. The few times I dared to tell the charge nurses I wasn’t going to be there that night, I immediately noticed the eye rolls, the shifts in posture, and the shared looks of exasperation. I’d watch as they’d look through the schedule to see who could replace me, all the while asking, “Are you SURE you won’t be able to make it?”
I don’t believe any of it was intentional. Plus, I couldn’t blame them for being annoyed at the inconvenience, especially since they didn’t know what was going on with me.
Nevertheless, even if it was for the sake of my mental health, being a burden doesn’t make me feel good. I hate inconveniencing others. I hate making things more difficult than they have to be. So before long, I started planning my absences. I’d look at the schedule to see what the staffing was like, I’d check to see if there were going to be any admissions, and I tried to make sure that my absence wouldn’t cause too much trouble before I called off.
But that wasn’t enough. I’d still get a little attitude from some of the charge nurses. And even with the additional me time, I was still overwhelmed processing emotions I wasn’t supposed to feel. I didn’t know who to turn to. I didn’t know what normal was supposed to be like or what I was supposed to be feeling on a daily basis. I didn’t know if I needed therapy, or if I needed to switch medications. I just wanted some help. I just wanted to feel okay.
Without the emotional blunting, I couldn’t stop feeling the anxiety and frustration I’d gotten so used to hiding. It was constant, and my body started internalizing it. It got to a point where, if I even thought about the wrong thing, my muscles would immediately tense up. I’d feel like there was a black hole in my chest radiating out emotional pain, and it’d feel like my body trying to cave in on itself.
I needed to talk to someone. And unfortunately, the only other person I knew who’d gone through any sort of mental health journey was Sean. So in a moment of weakness, I broke down. I opened up, and I asked him for his help. But I didn’t know how to explain myself without lying.
I came clean about the fact that I was on a pill that made me feel great one moment and like shit the next. I confessed that the only trigger I could identify was the thought of my friendships ending and the people I’d gotten close with leaving me. And stupid fucking me, I said too much. I admitted that his friendship in particular was especially important to me because of all the obstacles I had to overcome and the growth I had to make just to say ‘hi’. And when he asked, I admitted to him the fact that I was gay.
It’s something I never wanted to bring up. I didn’t want any more complications. I just wanted to feel . . . . I don’t even know anymore. Like I was worthy, I guess.
But some things you can’t take back. And while he answered my questions told me he appreciated the honesty, he also admitted that it made him slightly uncomfortable.
I could only apologize. I already knew he was the type who liked to avoid certain things. I already know that no one really likes dealing with other people’s shit.
After that conversation, something told me it was over. And that’s when my entire life really starting plummeting down hill.
(to be continued)

Disclaimer: this is a purely healthcare analysis of the company and their products. This may in no way correlate to actual market changes in the stock being discussed. This is a discussion meant for those who intend to hold longer positions in the company being discussed. I will not be focusing on the fundamentals, technicals, or anything along those lines. I'm nowhere near experienced enough to do so and that isn't really the focus of the post.
I’m also going to get into the habit of posting my position as a full disclaimer. I had a position in ATOS during the run-up associated with their favorable data and the COVID intranasal treatment. Subsequently dropped it after getting a quick bump from the breast cancer news. Not expecting to open another position until the summer at the earliest, which could be the first time we get an update on the COVID drugs (FDA is fast tracking them).

Before messaging me or asking me to look into XYZ, realize that if you are asking for speculation of whether a product will succeed, my answer will always be the same: waiting for the FDA decision is akin to gambling, and the odds are likely not in your favor.
So let’s talk about Atossa Therapeutics. This is a company that has recently made headlines and had a huge run-up with the announcement of an intranasal COVID treatment. They got an even bigger boost when Fauci spoke on their behalf (albeit briefly). And, that was supposed to be the end of it. In a completely unexpected move, they received FDA approval to prematurely end phase 1 and proceed to phase 2 for their breast cancer therapy. People were still high on the random SENS hype and their breast cancer obsession so it really caused a big surge and run-up.
Let’s move on to the actual drugs/products:
AT-301 “COVID-19 Nasal Spray”: I’m going to start off by saying I am extremely skeptical here. They didn’t publish their phase 1 results so I don’t really know what to think of that. All I could find were press releases quoting Dr. Quay and his summary of the results. Remember, phase 1 is primarily about safety and their 32-person study showed that only one of the 32 showed an adverse effect which he described as “moderate in severity.” He did not give numbers for how many of the others developed side effects but said that the rest were considered mild. Without trial data, I can’t trust someone trying to drum up support when they say it is moderate in severity.
As a therapy, the idea is super cool. You develop COVID and don’t necessarily warrant hospitalization. Here’s this thing that could let you feel better. They are also alluding to (but I don’t think they will be applying for approval for) usage of the nasal spray in people who are living with someone who is COVID positive, or at high risk for COVID (healthcare workers, first responders, teachers, etc.).
I’ve looked and I seem to be unable to find an actual mechanism by which this medication is supposed to work at a cellular level. I thought I had seen one a few weeks ago, but as of yet I have been unable to find it. They simply say that it inhibits essential human host proteases from activating the COVID spike protein to prevent it from infecting cells. In theory, I’m sure this can work, but the question becomes, will a nasal spray really get good penetration down into the lungs? I am extremely doubtful. My best guess is that this may be used as a preventive medication if it gets approved at all.
My opinion: this likely will not have the data to support its use, or the data it will have will be unrealistic for real life applications. I imagine they would have a hard time preventing viral infection in the lungs regardless of whether it was prevention or reduction in symptoms with a nasal spray. As far as absorption in the nasal mucosa, maybe you could prevent that, but I am wondering how long it can be effective for? Do I need to take this every 4 hours? Is the cost or burden worth it when I can just wear a mask?
AT-H201 “COVID-19 HOPE”: this is a nebulized treatment (meaning the patient will breath it in). it relies upon previous theoretical data as its foundation. It has long been theorized (not proven) that using nebulized heparin or N-acetylcysteine can help reduce the morbidity associated with acute respiratory distress syndrome (ARDS) or smoke inhalation injury. There is some science to back up why we think it would work, it just hasn’t really been proven yet. Important to note that it is not for lack of trying. There are multiple studies I found that tried to allege a connection and were unable to do so.
I’m going to go a little into the science here and discuss what the idea is why Dr. Quay thinks it will work. We know that for COVID to infect cells, it interacts with the heparin, furin, and ACE-2 receptor in the lungs. The idea is that both N-acetylcysteine and heparin will block the binding of COVID to the cell, thus preventing the infection. Their evidence is the theorized effect in smoke inhalation injury mentioned above should be similar with COVID. They also grew stuff on a petri dish and it worked (obviously).
Why am I skeptical? Well, one of the larger studies I found (40 people) tested a similar combination on patients with burn injury. The final results were that it did not reduce mortality or duration of mechanical ventilation but that it did result in a statistically significant increase in pneumonia rates. Which, also, makes sense. If you interfere with normal lung function, you open yourself up to things that normal lung function aims to protect you from.
I also want to point out that Dr. Quay’s argument was that this could be used as a prophylaxis for COVID (meaning to prevent the disease from happening—similar to vaccine). That is an absolutely ludicrous idea. No one will be giving patients nebulized treatments to prevent COVID. That’s just unfeasible logistically and economically. He also argues that the use of this could prevent the need for mechanical ventilation. Also a completely ridiculous idea. There are two ways that would work.

1. We pre-treat everyone who presents to the emergency department and has a positive COVID test, regardless of their symptoms. We already know that a steroid course (cheaper, more efficient, more evidence) can prevent a good number of people from progressing into a later course of COVID. We’re not doing that though because the risk of needing a ventilator is so low, that is exposing people to a high level or risk and cost. Now imagine doing this with a brand new, expensive therapeutic. You can bet that no emergency doctor is going to be prescribing this routinely (most hospitals won’t even carry it).
2. That this drug can magically, at the time of developing acute respiratory distress be used to prevent that distress from getting worse. That’s a fundamental error in understanding the pathophysiology of infection. Once the cell has been infected, the damage is done. Preventing infection while the patient is experiencing acute distress really doesn’t fix the problem. Our threshold to intubate someone who is experiencing respiratory distress from COVID is exceptionally low. We are not going to waste time messing around with this drug that may or may not work.

It is also important to mention that the trials and smaller scale studies I was able to find investigating this particular drug combination in the treatment of inhalation injury and ARDS, no one was dumb enough to suggest that this could prevent ventilation. The primary goal in every single attempt was to reduce the duration of mechanical ventilation.
Lastly, why would we even bother? Suppose this drug works, and it very well could. Why would anyone be using this drug when Dr. Quay himself admits, explicitly, that both drugs already exist separately on the market, FDA approved, with high safety profiles, and low cost. Why would we want to use this combination agent and add an increased risk of side effects and financial burden to the patient?
In my experience, most doctors don’t tend to use combination agents unless they are specifically courted by pharmaceutical reps. Most hospitals have strict policies about what reps can do so this likely will have no penetration into hospital systems (where mechanically ventilated patients are).
My opinion: I was incredibly intrigued until I found this study that showed no difference, and an increased rate of pneumonia. The study was low in power but I would hope that it showed something. That leaves me extremely disappointed and somewhat confused why they are even trying it.
Endoxifen “breast cancer”: so this is the famed breast cancer drug that can cure the disease. I just want to start by saying you don’t really make a drug that fixes cancer. Almost all of our chemotherapy regimens are multidrug, and new drugs are just added on. I don’t know of many new drugs that ever become the mainstay of therapy, or the sole agent used. At a scientific level, we have a medication called tamoxifen that has been used since 1977 in breast cancer to prevent recurrence. The active metabolite of that medication is called endoxifen, meaning that this is what technically has the effect. The body turns tamoxifen into endoxifen so that endoxifen can prevent breast cancer. Atossa’s premise is that they can use this active metabolite as an agent on its own to treat breast cancer. I just want to note the shift in focus. Tamoxifen has been used to prevent breast cancer recurrence, Atossa is theorizing they can treat it instead. While it may work, I just want to point that just because it can do one, doesn’t mean it can do the other.
So they are developing both a topical and an oral form of endoxifen. The one that has recently been in the news lately was their phase 2 oral study. They were able to show a statistically significant reduction in tumor activity in 6 out of 7 patients with an average reduction of 74%. That is pretty good, but one of the keys in reading studies is always look for the flaw. It’s pretty obvious here that it is the sample size of 7, which is to expected. Also note that they saw a reduction in tumor activity, not in cure rate or anything along those lines.
The second form is the topical form and I was actually able to find their phase 2 results regarding breast density reduction. Important to note that they are investigating topical endoxifen for use in gynecomastia and reduction in breast density. Anyway, this study was not very appealing to me. Yes, it was phase 2, but let me share the results of the study. “approximately 72 participants [out of 90] eventually developed skin rashes and local irritation and did not complete a full six months of dosing.” I don’t know about you, but alarm bells are going off in my head. And from what I can tell, it looks like they are still waiting to hear whether they can proceed to phase 3.
Let’s talk about endoxifen and whether or not this should work. There is actually a study from 2017 in the Journal of Clinical Oncology regarding the results of the first-in-human phase 1 study of endoxifen with metastatic breast cancer. They found that it had some effect in patients in whom traditional tamoxifen would not work due to lacking the enzyme necessary to active tamoxifen. There are also some in in vitro studies that found that endoxifen worked just as well, or better, than tamoxifen. However, I was also able to find a study on rats that found that tamoxifen and high-dose endoxifen had equal efficacy in treating mammary cancer.
To be fair, though, I want to note that endoxifen does not need to prove that it is better than tamoxifen to be approved. In this case, it doesn’t matter because the usage of tamoxifen is already riddled with problems because of its interactions with other drugs. Endoxifen bypasses a key enzyme that can affect up to 50% of patients either by genetics or medications that they are also taking.
Lastly, I’m going to discuss side effects. We don’t know the side effects of the oral preparation at this point because the statement was so vague. What we do know is that tamoxifen has some very serious side effects. Tamoxifen has an increased risk of causing an embolism and endometrial cancer. One of the key physiologic changes associated with cancer is the increased risk of embolism and the formation of blood clots. They plan to give an agent known to increase the risk of clotting to people who are already at high risk? Does not seem wise to me, but only time (and data) will tell.
My opinion: it will be hard to prove it works in the treatment of breast cancer. I can see it being a very promising replacement for tamoxifen when patients cannot take it as a prevention for recurrent breast cancer. The marketability is likely going to be a nonfactor if they can prove this works in patients who don’t respond to tamoxifen. So this drug has real potential (not as some ridiculous topical agent), but as a replacement for tamoxifen in breast cancer recurrence (which they’re not even studying, wtf?). I would keep my eye on it for if it were to ever get FDA approval. My gut tells me the first quarter sales are going to be quite good.

COVID 19 Nasal Spray: completed phase 1. Phase 2 not initiated yet.
COVID-19 HOPE: completed preclinical. Phase 1 not initiated yet.
Topical endoxifen: one study completed phase 2 (breast density), the other has not started phase 2 (gynecomastia).
Oral endoxifen: one study completed phase 2 (showing reduced tumor activity), other two studies have not yet started phase 2 (breast cancer treatment and breast density).

In conclusion, the endoxifen oral agent seems to have some real promise. From a theoretical standpoint there is a good amount of evidence behind the claim that it should work for treating recurrence. Anything else seems quite unlikely or a straight-up gamble. Also important to note that the oral tamoxifen as a treatment for breast cancer is in the planning stage of phase 2, so they have not even started it yet. Don’t expect a drug to hit market for at least 5 years. The two COVID agents are a bunch of hype and I haven’t really found any reason to believe they would be successful drugs.
I would play ATOS, though, around the time of results/FDA approval. The hype they generate is real and their PR team is quite good at getting people to feel emotionally invested.
Let me know what you think. My goal is to do one of these a day, but they do take a lot of time, roughly 2 hours. I do like to spend some part of my day thinking about not medicine. This is a link to some of the companies that people have messaged me about asking if I would do some analysis of them. I’ll do the winner of the poll for the next one (unless there’s not much medical value to be had, then I’ll just go to the next one down). Goal is to finish two more by the end of the weekend.
The Poll
If you think of any information that would be helpful for me to include in future posts, please let me know.

Notes and Highlights of Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear’s Live Update February 11, 2021
Notes by mr_tyler_durden and Daily Update Team
Watch here:

• Youtube: Update (YT Channel)
• Facebook: Update (FB Page)

Headlines

• 384,903 Cases (+1,880), 4,211 Deaths (+36)
• New cases by county: 283x Jefferson, 109x Fayette, 104x Kenton, 59x Boone, 48x Daviess, 48x Warren, 46x Pulaski, 39x Hardin, 34x Campbell, 34x Laurel, 33x Barren, 32x Madison, 31x Russell, 30x Montgomery, 29x Franklin, 27x Christian, 26x Bullitt, 26x Taylor, 25x Marshall, 25x Whitley, 23x Rowan, 22x Lewis, 22x Shelby, 20x McCracken, 20x Scott, 19x Allen, 19x Boyle, 19x Hopkins, 19x Nelson, 18x Boyd, 17x Jessamine, 16x Floyd, 16x Henderson, 16x Metcalfe, 15x Harlan, 15x Logan, 15x McCreary, 15x Marion, 15x Pike, 15x Wayne, 14x Lincoln, 14x Perry, 13x Hart, 13x Woodford, 12x Clay, 12x Grant, 12x Trigg, 11x Bell, 11x Grayson, 11x Knott, 11x Washington, 10x Clinton, 10x Knox, 9x Garrard, 9x Graves, 9x Johnson, 8x Adair, 8x Fleming, 8x Greenup, 8x Meade, 8x Mercer, 8x Oldham, 8x Spencer, 7x Caldwell, 7x Calloway, 7x Clark, 7x Lawrence, 7x Lee, 7x Mason, 7x Morgan, 6x Breckinridge, 6x Butler, 6x Harrison, 6x Henry, 6x Lyon, 5x Casey, 5x Edmonson, 5x Hancock, 5x Larue, 5x Letcher, 5x Owen, 5x Rockcastle, 5x Simpson, 5x Webster, 4x Carroll, 4x Carter, 4x Cumberland, 4x Martin, 4x Muhlenberg, 4x Ohio, 3x Anderson, 3x Crittenden, 3x Elliott, 3x Green, 3x Jackson, 3x Leslie, 3x Livingston, 3x Magoffin, 3x Monroe, 3x Trimble, 2x Breathitt, 2x Fulton, 2x Gallatin, 2x Menifee, 2x Owsley, 2x Powell, 2x Todd, 1x Bourbon, 1x Bracken, 1x Estill, 1x Nicholas, 1x Pendleton, 1x Union, 1x Wolfe
• New deaths by county: 91 M Barren, 53 M Calloway, 63 M Calloway, 77 F Clay, 78 F Crittenden, 89 F Fayette, 91 M Fleming, 38 M Harlan, 59 M Harlan, 73 M Harlan, 66 M Hart, 92 F Jefferson, 66 M Jefferson, 71 M Jefferson, 55 M Laurel, 92 F Lawrence, 94 F Lawrence, 69 F Letcher, 62 F Letcher, 62 F McCracken, 82 F Madison, 86 F Madison, 91 F Madison, 66 M Madison, 75 M Madison, 76 M Madison, 96 M Madison, 89 F Marion, 64 M Marshall, 69 M Marshall, 75 F Meade, 84 F Mercer, 85 F Mercer, 84 M Nelson, 88 M Nelson, 70 F Perry
• So the Department of Public Health is supplying vaccinations to local health departments and other community vaccination sites to ensure increased access to the COVID-19 vaccine. We have established a find-a-vaccine hotline with live operators who can talk to callers through the vaccine eligibility survey, help them identify nearby vaccine sites, and even stay on the line while contacting a site to try to schedule an appointment. The hotline number is 855-598-2246. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, please call 855-326-4654.
• First I want to start with the Bluegrass Action community partnership. They announced today, their transit service will immediately begin offering free transportation to two regional COVID-19 vaccination sites. Residents within its 11 County service territory are eligible to receive appointments for round-trip transportation, from their home to either the Kentucky Horse Park Vaccination Site or Ephriham McDowell hospital. <...>Anderson, Boyle, Casey, Franklin, Garrard, Jessamine, Lincoln, Mercer, Scott, Washington, and Woodford counties.
• Next we have some news from the University of Kentucky. The University of Kentucky will begin offering four outreach clinics on successive Saturdays targeting areas with underserved populations, due to race, language, economic, or other barriers.
• Finally, there are several federally qualified health care centers or rural health care clinics who are providing local outreach designed to assist vulnerable populations with access to the vaccine.
• The speed test is the first step to bringing internet connectivity to every Kentucky home. It takes 30 seconds and is completely anonymous, please visit http://speedtest.ky.gov to take the test.
• Financial Aid is not just for four year colleges, if you are interested in a short term program, or two year degree, there's financial aid available for you too. There is no downside to applying. It's free, it takes 30 minutes or less to complete, and you have an 85% chance to receive some form of financial aid. In order to apply, visit http://FAFSA.ky.gov. If you aren't sure how to get started, contact the Kentucky Higher Education Assistance Authority outreach counselors at http://KHEAA.com.
• This is what has made the news, this is from February 10th, they released a research study where they were showing different combinations of masks, and how they would protect you differently. And in these laboratory experiments, they find that the biggest problem is not the mask itself, it's the gaps around the edges of the mask. <...> So this is straight from the article, if you look on the left hand side of your screen, you'll see a mask with a gap-- there's a circle there. When people wear masks incorrectly, they either don't cover their nose-- that's a big no-no; your nose should not be seen. And they also have big gaps at the edges of the sides. So here's what they did with the masks: they have someone wear a double mask, and these are dummies, where they have a gas, you know, come out from the dummy's mouth. They put a double mask and the tightness of the extra mask and a larger mask over a smaller one underneath helped to seal those edges in front of your ears, and probably around other parts under your chin and over your nose. The double mask helped to make a better barrier, so you didn't have leakage out here on the outside edges of the mask. <...>So it's not necessarily “one mask or two masks”, it's “Do you have a properly made mask that doesn't have gaps around the sides and across the top and the bottom?”, you can do that by having two masks to close those gaps and make it tighter or having one mask.
• This is the key point: “At this time vaccinated person should continue to follow current guidance to protect themselves and others, including wearing a mask staying at least six feet away from others, avoiding crowds, avoiding poorly ventilated spaces, covering coughs and sneezes, washing hands often, following CDC travel guidance, and following any applicable workplace or school guidance”.
• Starting February 15th, tenants can apply for assistance with rent or utility bills stating all the way back to April 2020, and that can also apply for three months of future payments. Payments will be made directly to landlords, or to utility providers. Kentucky received $297M in Federal Coronavirus Relief Funds to help make this fund possible, to prevent evictions, and to make sure people don’t have their utilities cut off. <...>
  • So to apply in those 118 counties, everywhere but Fayette and Jefferson, they’re running their own program, go to https://teamkyhherf.ky.gov/. That is the website where you can see everything that will be required. <..>
  • In Fayette County. You go to https://www.lexingtonky.gov/how-do-i-get-help <...>
  • To apply in Jefferson County you go to https://www.stopmyeviction.org/
• 6 Regional Sites, Kroger sites [Slide 1, Slide 2]; Walmart sites: [Slide 1, Slide 2]; We're also announcing 125 federal pharmacy program sites at Walgreens and Good Neighbor pharmacies. This is a long list. And we'll post it on our http://vaccine.ky.gov website. The program breaks down to 78 Walgreens and 47 independent pharmacies.<...>
• With these weather updates, are vaccine sites still set to open tomorrow? And are there any plans in place for the site's next week considering the weather we're expecting then? [...]
  • My understanding is that the regional sites will be operational tomorrow. Barring a new influx of weather, which I don't believe Director Dossett predicted was going to happen, they should be operational tomorrow.
• When do we anticipate we will be able to fully move into phase 1C and how are these new sites going to help facilitate that process? [..]
  • So, we are, because the state population is not evenly distributed, and because the vaccine is not evenly distributed, different parts of the state are moving at different rates. And so I think probably next week, some locations will begin dipping into 1C, while others are solidly in 1B, still working on reaching folks who are 70 and over. [...] And so we have encouraged people, as they transition to 1C, to work first on 60 and over, and then the entire 1C will be open, and I would imagine by the time we reach March 1st, we will solidly be in phase 1C, that would be my estimation at this point.
• So as the long term care federal vaccine program wraps up, and no first vaccines are to be given during their third clinics, what is Kentucky's plan to get the approximately 50% of staff that opted out of the vaccine vaccinated? [...] --
  • [...] For those persons who are eligible, as healthcare personnel, which would capture the staff in the nursing home settings, they are always eligible as a phase 1A person to schedule at any other location.
• Slides from Update

Full Notes

• Good evening, Team Kentucky. This is lieutenant governor Jacqueline Coleman, we have lots of updates and information to provide with you that are related to both COVID and the inclement weather, so I'm going to get right to it. We have some exciting announcements today regarding accessibility to COVID-19 vaccine sites. Our administration is committed to providing equitable access to vaccine. And we know that there are significant barriers in both rural and urban parts of the state. Some Kentuckians are experiencing issues like traveling for their vaccine or navigating a web website to schedule the vaccine. So the Department of Public Health is supplying vaccinations to local health departments and other community vaccination sites to ensure increased access to the COVID-19 vaccine. We have established a find-a-vaccine hotline with live operators who can talk to callers through the vaccine eligibility survey, help them identify nearby vaccine sites, and even stay on the line while contacting a site to try to schedule an appointment. The hotline number is 855-598-2246. If you are deaf or hard of hearing, please call 855-326-4654.
• We also know that because of centuries of health inequity, there are unique concerns in the black community with the vaccine. The Kentucky Department of Health, through the Office of Equity now offers presentations to groups and organizations in our black communities to both understand and address these valid concerns. We are also providing outreach in specific communities by supporting pop-up mobile vaccine clinics, specifically for communities of color, or areas where people lack transportation to drive to a larger site. We are working to remove barriers and I'm excited to announce numerous initiatives across the state where the work to provide equitable access for the vaccine has come to fruition.
  • First I want to start with the Bluegrass Action community partnership. They announced today, their transit service will immediately begin offering free transportation to two regional COVID-19 vaccination sites. Residents within its 11 County service territory are eligible to receive appointments for round-trip transportation, from their home to either the Kentucky Horse Park Vaccination Site or Ephriham McDowell hospital. These include the following counties: Anderson, Boyle, Casey, Franklin, Garrard, Jessamine, Lincoln, Mercer, Scott, Washington, and Woodford counties. To reserve a ride to either vaccination site residents should call the Bluegrass Community Action Partnership Transit at 800-456-6588. And please call at least 24 hours in advance of your vaccination appointment time. The Bluegrass Community Action transit vehicles are wheelchair accessible and face masks are required at all times.
  • Next up we have an exciting announcement from Norton Healthcare. Today we are announcing a pop-up, walk in vaccine clinic partnership between our administration and Norton Healthcare. This pop-up clinic is for underserved individuals ages 70 or older, in Louisville at St Stephen's Baptist Church and Bates Memorial Baptist Church. Select outreach for these appointments is being conducted by Norton, and are intended for underserved individuals who are experiencing transportation, and/or technology challenges.
  • Next we have some news from the University of Kentucky. The University of Kentucky will begin offering four outreach clinics on successive Saturdays targeting areas with underserved populations, due to race, language, economic, or other barriers. Registration coordinator from the Office for Student Success, the UK Healthcare Diversity and Inclusion Council, and the College of Agriculture will provide materials to patients, while they are in post-vaccine observation focused on empowering the patients to promote the importance of getting a COVID-19 vaccine among their own networks. Immunizes and other clinical volunteers are students and faculty in the UK colleges of medicine and pharmacy. UK is consulting with state and city partners to identify four community organizations, one for each outreach clinic beginning this month.
  • Finally, there are several federally qualified health care centers or rural health care clinics who are providing local outreach designed to assist vulnerable populations with access to the vaccine. Mountain Comprehensive Health Corporation is serving Letcher, Owsley, and Perry counties. Primary Care Centers of East Kentucky are providing outreach to Perry and Leslie counties. Juniper Health is assisting in Breathitt, Lee, and Wolfe County and the June Buchanan Clinic is serving Knott County. We are very thankful to partner with these organizations to provide as many Kentuckians as possible the opportunity to receive their shot of hope.
• Switching gears, I want to make a quick plug about the Kentucky Speed Test. I know Rocky was on here Tuesday and he provided the latest numbers to you but I want to remind you, our administration is committed to providing broadband internet connectivity to every Kentuckian but we need your help to do this. We need everyone, no matter where you're from, to participate. The speed test is the first step to bringing internet connectivity to every Kentucky home. It takes 30 seconds and is completely anonymous, please visit http://speedtest.ky.gov to take the test.
• And finally today February is financial aid month. And I want to provide an update on the latest numbers regarding FAFSA applications in Kentucky. FAFSA is short for Free Application for Federal Student Aid. It is required for students to be eligible for Federal Pell Grants and for student loans. Kentucky has consistently been above the national average for FAFSA completion. Last year, Kentucky ranked 13th of all of the states in our completion percentage. However, for the class of 2021, we are down 19% compared to last year. The numbers are even lower for low-income students, schools with high minority populations, and in our most rural communities. As a teacher and school administrator I cannot overstate the importance of completing these financial aid forms. The decrease in the FAFSA applications could lead to a decline in students seeking higher education next fall. Financial Aid is not just for four year colleges, if you are interested in a short term program, or two year degree, there's financial aid available for you too. There is no downside to applying. It's free, it takes 30 minutes or less to complete, and you have an 85% chance to receive some form of financial aid. In order to apply, visit http://FAFSA.ky.gov. If you aren't sure how to get started, contact the Kentucky Higher Education Assistance Authority outreach counselors at http://KHEAA.com. There are millions of dollars available for Kentucky families, and we want to make sure that our students get every dollar possible as they begin their post-secondary education journey.
• So those are the good news items and some updates about our vaccination sites. So now I'm going to turn it over to Dr Stack for Department of Public Health updates, Dr Stack.
• Hello everyone, I want to expand just a little bit on the information the Lieutenant Governor shared about health equity and vaccination. In addition to the activity she described, we also are partnering with King's Daughters Medical Center in the Ashland region, and they are going to do outreach with a number of African American churches in the community over the next couple of weeks. So we're very grateful to King's daughters Medical Center for their partnership and their additional outreaches in their communities.
• On top of that, I just like to remind everybody, or share, that we have within the Kentucky Department for public health and Office of Health Equity. This is an existing office and an ongoing basis that does work to try to help individuals, among racial and ethnic minorities and rural Appalachian populations, and others with health disparities. Vivian Lasley-Bibbs is the director of that office, and does a lot of wonderful work with the team in the department for public health. So thank you to Vivian, and the team who work on these important projects with us, and there will be more to come.
• And now turning to my other topics. In the news, as you've seen probably, are the topics of double masking, and the topics of quarantine after being vaccinated, so five quick slides here on double masking. So I've shown you on the left hand side, I believe, of your screen, a document from the CDC on its website that goes in great detail about why masking is important and how you should properly use it. I'd encourage you all to Google that and take a look at this, but I'd like to also emphasize that consistently we have said, a mask is not a substitute for social distancing and that masks should still be worn, in addition to staying at least six feet apart, especially when indoors around people with whom you don't live, on top of that masks should completely cover the nose and mouth and fit snugly against the side of your face without gaps. The emphasis here with the “NOT” and “AND” highlighted is the federal government's emphasis on the CDC website.
• This is what has made the news, this is from February 10th, they released a research study where they were showing different combinations of masks, and how they would protect you differently. And in these laboratory experiments, they find that the biggest problem is not the mask itself, it's the gaps around the edges of the mask. So this is straight from the article, if you look on the left hand side of your screen, you'll see a mask with a gap-- there's a circle there. When people wear masks incorrectly, they either don't cover their nose-- that's a big no no; your nose should not be seen. And they also have big gaps at the edges of the sides. So here's what they did with the masks: they have someone wear a double mask, and these are dummies, where they have a gas, you know, come out from the dummy's mouth. They put a double mask and the tightness of the extra mask and a larger mask over a smaller one underneath helped to seal those edges in front of your ears, and probably around other parts under your chin and over your nose. The double mask helped to make a better barrier, so you didn't have leakage out here on the outside edges of the mask. Another way to do this is to take a high quality mask, we even recommend currently that if you use a single mask, use a multi-layer mask, one that has three layers of fabric, and they show you here how you can tie a knot at the edge of the elastic string to essentially have a tighter around your ears to pinch together that gap and close it off. So it's not necessarily “one mask or two masks”, it's “Do you have a properly made mask that doesn't have gaps around the sides and across the top and the bottom?”, you can do that by having two masks to close those gaps and make it tighter or having one mask. Bottom line, though, you need to wear a mask whenever you're anywhere near other people who you don't live with, and you need to stay more than six feet away from each other, whether you have a mask or not.
• This is the quarantine topic. So this is in the news, yesterday this was updated. The vaccines are incredibly effective about preventing death and preventing severe disease. So essentially taking a serious illness, like COVID, and making it more like a little less serious illness like influenza, and so the vaccines are incredibly effective for that. But we do not know, for certainty yet, if the vaccines prevent you from getting infected with mild disease, or no symptoms and still potentially spreading the infection.
• This is the key point: “At this time vaccinated person should continue to follow current guidance to protect themselves and others, including wearing a mask staying at least six feet away from others, avoiding crowds, avoiding poorly ventilated spaces, covering coughs and sneezes, washing hands often, following CDC travel guidance, and following any applicable workplace or school guidance”. If you'll notice, the CDC, this is a direct quote from this article from their guidance on their website updated yesterday is saying: If you're vaccinated, that is wonderful and thank you for doing that because it keeps you safe, it keeps you from getting harmed, but we still don't have enough people anywhere near enough people protected directly. And so we need to make sure until other people are all protected adequately, we don't take our eye off the ball, and we don't let down our guard. What the news coverage is saying, however, is if you are vaccinated, and this is also in that article but way way way way down near the bottom end of the whole guidance is, once you're vaccinated, after two weeks after your final dose, for the next 11 weeks, up until three months. If you are exposed to someone who has COVID, it might be safe that you don't have to be quarantined. Alright? So for 11 magical weeks, that's all they said, that little gap of time, you wouldn't have to go into quarantine. And my interpretation of this, my recommendation to the people in Kentucky, is that that really is best decided in consultation with your local health department. If you get exposed, and you can consult with them about whether or not you should quarantine, they're in the best position to help you interpret the right way to use that information. So it's not a get out of jail pass-- I think unfortunately that's how this has been portrayed. It's not a get out of jail pass, you still have to do all the public health measures in order to keep everyone else safe until we're through this journey. Thank you very much, and Governor I think it's back to you now.
• Alright, thank you to Dr Stack. So, one more piece of good news, and then we'll do the COVID report, and then we'll talk about our new vaccination sites. But this piece of good news is important. And it's gonna help a lot of people who have struggled through this pandemic. Beginning on February 15th, Kentuckians in need of helping make ends meet on rent and utilities can apply for a new very large fund being administered through the Kentucky Housing Corporation. The Healthy at Home Eviction Relief Fund follows earlier similar efforts to help our people stay in their home, while also providing relief to landlords and utilities. It's how we come out of this pandemic without carrying the debt that can hold us back so that we can sprint into our future. This is so important. With more Kentuckians rolling up their sleeves, receiving these safe and effective vaccines, we see a light at the end of the tunnel growing brighter, every day. But it's going to take months until everybody gets through, and gets their shot of hope, though, Dr. Fauci did talk today about thinking there would be a lot more vaccine in March and into April, and I hope he's right, and we're gonna be ready. But until then, we need to be patient and vigilant, we’ve got to keep masking up, maintaining social distance, practicing good hygiene, and avoiding crowds. This fund is going to help make that possible. So last year Team Kentucky helped 4,135 households avoid eviction with about a $15 million fund in assistance. Starting February 15th, tenants can apply for assistance with rent or utility bills stating all the way back to April 2020, and that can also apply for three months of future payments. Payments will be made directly to landlords, or to utility providers. Kentucky received $297M in Federal Coronavirus Relief Funds to help make this fund possible, to prevent evictions, and to make sure people don’t have their utilities cut off. The program is being run in three jurisdictions: Jefferson and Fayette which are running their own programs, and then in all the other counties-- all 118 other counties.
  • So to apply in those 118 counties, everywhere but Fayette and Jefferson, they’re running their own program, go to https://teamkyhherf.ky.gov/. That is the website where you can see everything that will be required. Again, that's https://teamkyhherf.ky.gov/ to apply.
  • In Fayette County. You go to https://www.lexingtonky.gov/how-do-i-get-help
  • To apply in Jefferson County you go to https://www.stopmyeviction.org/
• Tenants must meet certain requirements to get relief. All that is on the website and the applications. This is $297M to help out our Kentucky families, and I, for one, want to use every one of those dollars to help each of you stay in your home, stay safe, stay warm right now, and to not come out of this pandemic with debt that we can pay off through this fund.
• Alright, like just about every one of the days that we've had for the last week, we have declining cases, we still have stubbornly high deaths.
• Positive cases today: 1,880 - Those are the lowest new cases for at least four weeks. And we are currently running below in numbers of new cases what we had last week, which again was our fourth straight week a record of decreasing cases
• Probable cases: 724
• Total confirmed cases: 384,903
• Children Under 18: 296
• New cases by county: 283x Jefferson, 109x Fayette, 104x Kenton, 59x Boone, 48x Daviess, 48x Warren, 46x Pulaski, 39x Hardin, 34x Campbell, 34x Laurel, 33x Barren, 32x Madison, 31x Russell, 30x Montgomery, 29x Franklin, 27x Christian, 26x Bullitt, 26x Taylor, 25x Marshall, 25x Whitley, 23x Rowan, 22x Lewis, 22x Shelby, 20x McCracken, 20x Scott, 19x Allen, 19x Boyle, 19x Hopkins, 19x Nelson, 18x Boyd, 17x Jessamine, 16x Floyd, 16x Henderson, 16x Metcalfe, 15x Harlan, 15x Logan, 15x McCreary, 15x Marion, 15x Pike, 15x Wayne, 14x Lincoln, 14x Perry, 13x Hart, 13x Woodford, 12x Clay, 12x Grant, 12x Trigg, 11x Bell, 11x Grayson, 11x Knott, 11x Washington, 10x Clinton, 10x Knox, 9x Garrard, 9x Graves, 9x Johnson, 8x Adair, 8x Fleming, 8x Greenup, 8x Meade, 8x Mercer, 8x Oldham, 8x Spencer, 7x Caldwell, 7x Calloway, 7x Clark, 7x Lawrence, 7x Lee, 7x Mason, 7x Morgan, 6x Breckinridge, 6x Butler, 6x Harrison, 6x Henry, 6x Lyon, 5x Casey, 5x Edmonson, 5x Hancock, 5x Larue, 5x Letcher, 5x Owen, 5x Rockcastle, 5x Simpson, 5x Webster, 4x Carroll, 4x Carter, 4x Cumberland, 4x Martin, 4x Muhlenberg, 4x Ohio, 3x Anderson, 3x Crittenden, 3x Elliott, 3x Green, 3x Jackson, 3x Leslie, 3x Livingston, 3x Magoffin, 3x Monroe, 3x Trimble, 2x Breathitt, 2x Fulton, 2x Gallatin, 2x Menifee, 2x Owsley, 2x Powell, 2x Todd, 1x Bourbon, 1x Bracken, 1x Estill, 1x Nicholas, 1x Pendleton, 1x Union, 1x Wolfe
• Total tests conducted: 4,252,307 (PCR: 3,725,585, Serology: 109,575)
• Positivity Rate: 7.08% - That is the lowest since November 6th, that is good news.
• Hospitalizations, ICU, ventilators, they're all generally stable, if not down a little bit.
• Total hospitalized: 17,824
• Currently hospitalized: 1,142
• Total in ICU: 3,751
• Currently in ICU: 278
• On a ventilator: 156
• Total recovered: 45,451
• New deaths today: 36
• Total Deaths: 2205
• New deaths by county: 91 M Barren, 53 M Calloway, 63 M Calloway, 77 F Clay, 78 F Crittenden, 89 F Fayette, 91 M Fleming, 38 M Harlan, 59 M Harlan, 73 M Harlan, 66 M Hart, 92 F Jefferson, 66 M Jefferson, 71 M Jefferson, 55 M Laurel, 92 F Lawrence, 94 F Lawrence, 69 F Letcher, 62 F Letcher, 62 F McCracken, 82 F Madison, 86 F Madison, 91 F Madison, 66 M Madison, 75 M Madison, 76 M Madison, 96 M Madison, 89 F Marion, 64 M Marshall, 69 M Marshall, 75 F Meade, 84 F Mercer, 85 F Mercer, 84 M Nelson, 88 M Nelson, 70 F Perry
• And this virus is so mean, that I talked to you about Sunny Bass, It was one of the memorials we did. We talked about how long he'd been married and what a great family. Well, it was either yesterday or the day before, his wife passed from COVID as well. So, this is vicious, it takes people that we know and love. Let's make sure we continue to do the right things to protect those around us. I don't want to have 35 deaths again in the course of this pandemic and we can do something about that. And what we do is wear those masks, engage in social distancing, and then prepare to vaccinate people as quickly as possible.

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PARENTHOODPOSTPARTUM CARE What You Need to Know About Breastfeeding in an Era of COVID-19 Medically reviewed by Meredith Goodwin, MD, FAAFP — Written by Noreen Iftikhar, MD on April 9, 2020 Breast milk Guidelines Immunity Risks Unknowns Breastfeeding scenario Takeaway
Share on Pinterest You’re doing a great job of protecting yourself and others from the new coronavirus SARS-CoV-2. You’re following all the guidelines, including physical distancing and washing your hands frequently. But what’s the deal with breastfeeding during this time?
Fortunately, protecting your little ones is similar to protecting yourself, even when it comes to your very little one who’s breastfeeding.
Keep in mind that scientists are still learning about this new virus, and medical research is ongoing. But from what experts know so far, it’s safe to breastfeed your baby. However, this situation calls for some special precautions, especially if you have any symptoms of the novel coronavirus disease COVID-19.
Does SARS-CoV-2 pass into breast milk? Some encouraging news: Researchers haven’t yet found SARS-CoV-2 in breast milk, though research is limited.
Two case studies — yes, just two, which is not enough to draw conclusions — from China report that the new coronavirus wasn’t found in the breast milk of either woman who became ill with COVID-19 late in their last trimester.
Both women had healthy babies who didn’t have a coronavirus infection. The mothers avoided skin contact with their newborn babies and isolated themselves until they recovered.
Additionally, while we are still learning about SARS-CoV-2, scientists do know its closest relative, SARS-CoV, very well. This coronavirus hasn’t been found in breast milk, either.
But more medical studies are needed. Call your doctor if you’re unsure about whether to breastfeed your baby.
So with this in mind, what are the guidelines for breastfeeding? If you can breastfeed your baby, it’s important to keep it up. But there are special guidelines to protect your baby during this pandemic.
Researchers know that SARS-CoV-2 is spread mainly through tiny droplets in the air when a person who’s carrying the virus sneezes, coughs, or talks. In fact, this virus likes to move into the nose before it even causes symptoms in some people.
Unfortunately, you can pass the virus on before you get symptoms, and even if you never have symptoms but are carrying it.
While we’ve already established that you likely can’t pass on the new coronavirus through your breast milk, you can still pass it through droplets from your mouth and nose or by touching your little one after coming in contact with your face or these droplets.
So it’s especially important to follow these guidelines if you have COVID-19 symptoms or think you might have been exposed to the virus:
Wash your hands You would wash your hands carefully before touching your baby in any case. Now, it’s vital to wash your hands frequently, especially before and after you pick up your baby or handle baby bottles and other baby items.
Wear a mask Perhaps you’re already used to wearing one when you go out, but in your own house?! If you’re breastfeeding, then yes. If you have any symptoms of COVID-19 or have even an inkling that you may have it, wear a mask while you’re breastfeeding your baby. Wear it even if you don’t have symptoms.
Also, wear a mask while you are holding, changing, or talking to your baby. This will likely be uncomfortable for you — and startle or distract your little one at first — but it can help prevent a coronavirus infection.
Disinfect surfaces Clean and disinfect anything you’ve touched with an alcohol-based cleaner. This includes countertops, changing tables, bottles, and clothing. Also, clean surfaces that you haven’t touched that might have air droplets on them.
Carefully clean and disinfect everything that might touch your baby. This virus can survive on some services for up to 48 to 72 hours!
Pump breast milk You can also pump your breast milk and have your partner or a family member feed your baby. Don’t worry — this is temporary. Wash your hands and clean any area of skin the breast pump will touch.
Ensure that the bottle is completely sterile by placing it in boiled water between feedings. Disinfect the breast milk parts carefully with boiled water or soap and water.
Keep baby formula on hand You don’t have to breastfeed if you feel you are ill or have symptoms of COVID-19. Keep baby formula and sterile baby bottles on hand ready to go, just in case.
HEALTHLINE RESOURCES Until you get through this, count on our support In difficult times, you need to be able to turn to experts who understand and can help strengthen your mental well-being. We’re here for you.
READ MORE Will breast milk provide baby with any immunity? Breast milk gives your child many of the super powers you have — like protection against several kinds of illnesses. Breast milk not only fills your baby’s hungry tummy, it also gives them automatic — but temporary — immunity against some bacteria and viruses.
And by the time your baby has outgrown breast milk, they’ll have had vaccinations that give them their own protection against most contagious illness.
Medical research from 2004Trusted Source on another kind of coronavirus (SARS-CoV) found antibodies to it in breast milk. Antibodies are like little soldiers that look for a certain kind of germ and get rid of it before it can cause harm. Your body makes antibodies when you contract an illness and when you get a vaccine for it.
Scientists don’t yet know if the body can also make antibodies for SARS-CoV-2 and share them through breast milk. If it can, this would mean that if you had this coronavirus infection, you’d be able to help protect your baby against an infection just by breastfeeding or pumping breast milk.
What are the risks of breastfeeding at this time? Talk to your doctor. They may tell you not to breastfeed your baby or give your baby pumped breast milk if you’re taking certain medications for a SARS-CoV-2 infection or other viral infection.
So while there’s currently no established treatment for COVID-19, it’s an evolving situation. Not all the drugs being considered as potential treatments have lactation data.
That means that for some — but not all — possible treatments, researchers don’t yet know if antiviral drugs can pass from mother to baby through breast milk.
Plus, some medications might make it difficult for you to breastfeed because they can slow down milk production. Definitely check with your doctor.
If you have severe COVID-19 symptoms, don’t try to breastfeed. You need your energy to help you recover from this infection.
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What we don’t know Unfortunately, there’s still a lot we don’t know. Most international health organizations advise that breastfeeding is safe during this pandemic.
However, there’s a lot of ongoingTrusted Source medical research around the world to answer questions about SARS-CoV-2, including breastfeeding and babies. These questions include:
Can SARS-CoV-2 be passed through breast milk at all? (Remember, current research is limited.) What if the mother has a lot of viruses in her body? Can antibodies to help protect against SARS-CoV-2 be passed from mother to baby through breast milk? Can mother or babies get a coronavirus infection more than once? Can pregnant mothers give their babies a coronavirus infection before they’re born? What following precautions — without sacrificing bonding — looks like As we self-isolate to protect ourselves, our families, and everyone else, some things are definitely very different. This includes breastfeeding your little bundle of joy and hope. Don’t worry. This is all temporary. Meanwhile, here’s what breastfeeding (or bottle-feeding) your baby may look like for now.
You hear your little one stirring in their crib. You know they’re about to let out the hungry cry, but you take a few minutes to carefully wash your hands with warm water and soap.
You don your face mask, carefully touching the elastic ties that go around your ears only. This virus travels speedily through tiny droplets from the mouth and nose.
You put on a pair of sterile gloves to open the door to your baby’s room and turn off the baby monitor. Coronaviruses can live on plastic, stainless steel, and cardboard surfaces.
You take off the gloves carefully without touching the outsides — you don’t want to re-infect your hands. You smile with your eyes, softly calling baby’s name, as you lean over to pick up your angel. Your baby doesn’t notice the mask — they’re used to it by now, and besides, they’re hungry.
Your baby snuggles into your lap, “tummy to mommy,” and they’re ready to eat. You avoid touching your own face and your baby’s face, gently caressing their back instead.
As your baby feeds, you keep your hands and attention on them. Touching your phone, laptop, or anything else risks infecting your clean hands and baby. You and your little one relax and bond as they feed themselves into a peaceful slumber.
Yeah, we know. Relaxation and peaceful slumbers are the stuff wishful thinking dreams are made of — coronavirus era or not. But our point is, you don’t have to miss out on bonding while taking precautions.
The takeaway Most health experts advise that breastfeeding is safe during the SARS-CoV-2 pandemic. According to some health organizations, mothers who have COVID-19 symptoms may even still be able to feed. However, a lot is currently unknown about this new coronavirus.
Much more research is needed, and some recommendations are conflicting. For example, doctors in China who treated women with newborns while fighting COVID-19 don’t advise breastfeeding if you have symptoms or may have a SARS-CoV-2 infection.
Talk to your doctor if you have COVID-19, if you have been exposed to someone with COVID-19, or you have symptoms. You can choose not to breastfeed or pump breast milk until you feel it’s safe to do so.
Last medically reviewed on April 9, 2020
ParenthoodPostpartum CareCOVID-19 6 sourcescollapsed
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